lessons learned

I have not been wanting to get on here for the last few days. I'm too tired. But I want this lesson I learned last week and this morning fresh in my mind. So I am putting this down so I can read it again and again.

Last thursday after working late again I left to go to the woman's J.O.Y. meeting not really wanting to go. I had convinced someone else to go so that we could do the secret sister thing. Which I always enjoy. Well I was about 6 minutes late getting there and when I walked in hardly anyone was there and I thought oh no she'll never come again if we only have this many coming. In the past, the room has been packed. Anyway sitting down I found out that Kim wasn't going to be there and Karen Henn was doing the devotion. She asked us how are day was going and I stated I hated my job. Which will tell you how bad my day was. But after Karen got done it wasn't a bad day in my book.

In her devotion,she past a bucket around and told us to take as many rocks as we wanted. I took one and had a second thought and took another. I joked about throwing it into a window. Boy little did I know that before the night was through I would think differently. She told us the story in John 8 about the woman who was caught in adultry and how she was brought before the group and since she was caught the law stated she be stoned. Jesus answered by stating " If any one of you is without sin , Let him be the first to throw a stone at her" One by one they walked away. When she was left alone Jesus asked her Women where are they Has no one condemed you. I sat there while Karen was telling her story and how it was tied in. Here's her story you see she is adopting 2 boys out of foster care Isaac and Isaiah who really have had a hard life for two little boys. They were driving to school and they were discussing souls and going to heaven and one of her boys was worried you see his mom's name is Mary and he was worried that he wouldn't see her in heaven. You see I had a hard time comprehending that because she wasn't a good mother or the boys wouldn't be in the system and I realized how forgiving and sincere this boy was about his birth mother. He asked Karen that day if they could pray for Mary to receive Christ so her soul would go to heaven and Karen started crying because she had a hard time not casting a rock at that mother for the way she treated these boys. But Karen agreed to pray for his mother. I am telling you there wasn't a dry eye in the place she taught me a good lesson that day because she asked how many times do we throw a rock at someone. How about the man who murdered someone we all say he deserved it !!! He needs to pay for what he did. How about that man's family ?? How about the man\woman who kidnapped a little child and abused that child ,put them in prision let the people on the inside take care of him!!! What about that man or womans family what are they going to go through did you just throw a stone. I could go on with the what if's. I left that night thinking about all this. I thought how many times did I or do I throw a stone instead of having compassion and forgiveness for someone.

Well this morning Mckenna and I were getting ready for church and she seemed so down in the dumps and she told me she wanted to tell me something and she hesitated and I let her know that I was always here for her and she could tell me anything. She didn't want to because she thought I would get mad and I encouraged her to tell me. My five year old you see she worries!!! The story came out about how she was worried about her dad and wanted to make sure he was safe!!!!! I started crying because the last thing I wanted to do was think about him and if he was safe after all he left us all alone!!!!!!! He didn't want to be responsible for her or me. He thought we were too big of a commitment. Who cares about Ralph! My mind immediately went back to Karen who agreed to what one of her boys requested. I then told McKenna that we could pray for her dad. ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS FOR ME TO DO!!! I agreed to. Unfortunately tonight McKenna isn't feeling good and I put her to bed after our devotions and we didn't pray because she was soo sleepy. I was sitting on the couch and I remembered that we didn't pray for him. So as I am writing this I am saying please lord Keep Ralph safe, help me to not throw a stone at him but to remember to have compassion for him. Help me to change my thoughts from bad to good thoughts. Help me to not say oh well he deserves this. Instead keep him safe no matter how angry or disgusted I get with him. Heal my heart Lord Amen Jesus then said. "Then neither do I condemn you!!! Jesus declared.

So put some small pebbles in your pocket and when you want to cast a stone over the small things or the big things remember John 8. Take the pebble out of your pocket and toss it away and remember to not condemn.!!! Bye

New Things

OK someone told me tonight if I got on the blog it would help me to express somethings and It would help so here it goes. I really have about 4 hours of work to do and I keep putting it off. But anyway since this is a new thing for me. I am not one to express how I feel out in the open for everyone to read. I have reasons why. First for anyone who knows me well I use to be outgoing I was a person who went after what I wanted and I did with fun in mind. I guess I still do it just a little more quietly. God has been working on me about forgiveness and trust. The two things I just struggle with. Anyone and everyone is saying just hand it over. Well guess what that makes me mad! This isn't working for me all I want to do is cry. Which I try not to do because McKenna is in the next room and even though she would like me to think she is a sleep she's not. Anyway back to my issues I want to change more than anything. I'm not ready to have my heart and feelings stomped on again and people turn their back on me. Yet I know that God hasn't turned his back on me but I am really having trouble hearing him.

I read this book last weekend it talks about forgiveness. It talked about how forgiveness doesn't make a problem go away, it gives you peace christ intended. Yet I'm not angry or bitter about the hurt but the hurt was so bad I don't want to go down that path again. In my book it talked about the fact that we can start out as a caterpillar a furry creature scooting along the ground wondering why we can't seem to fly. Then God in all his goodness, encourages us to crawl in a hole, bury our old selves and die to the life we once knew. If we do that, if we trust him with our entire existence, then he'll give us something beautiful in exchange. He gives us wings. Now in this book it talks about second chances and when we find ourselves on the ground to remember second chances happen throughout our lives and we are to forgive seventy times seven or always. No matter what god waits with open arms ready to give me a second chance no matter how many times I ask for that second chance he will give it. Well I would like to use my wings again and their flapping but I guess something is holding me back.

This isn't everything I've been thinking its just a start. Thanks everyone for encouraging me to do this. I appreciate your friendships and your encouragement. Keep on challenging me. I don't feel any better but I don't feel any worse.