thinking

I have been thinking today on the Lord's day about how much I don't know. About how the answers aren't there for us at the drop of a hat. I am finally beginning to realize that I am not in control. Which I don't like. Because I am a single parent. I have to do things that two people usually do. I realize that because I have to think of everything and do everything. I realized that I was doing this in my walk with God. I constantly feel like I am walking around numb and missing out on friends and the things around me that God wants me to do and not what I want to do. As much as it frustrates me when someone ask me why I don't have something done and what is taking me so long.

I realize that there aren't too many people in my world that is a single parent. The ones that are single parents seem to have come full circle and they are no longer single!!! I didn't plan it this way. I truly thought that we could work through our problems and be there to raise our daughter. Today my favorite little girl was asking about her dad again. I finally told her that he lives here in town. I think it finally sunk in. I told her that he has other plans. There is no polite or easy way to say he doesn't want to be with us. How do you explain this to a six year old. If I could change it I would. She suggested that we pray for him again. You know I have done everything I can to go on with life and not look back. It was too painful to look back at the failure of a relationship of 6 1/2 years. She wants to see her dad. I don't know what to do about this. I need to protect her. Yet I know that God is her father and he is looking after her.

I am ready for something new in our lives. McKenna and I need someone to come in and be a part of our life. I am truly wondering what new experience God has coming our way.

Last night as McKenna got ready for bed she put on these pajama's that were too small. They had feet in them and when she put them on I realized that she is not my little short stuff. She is definitely growing. I just love talking with her. Her ideas are just amazing to me. Yesterday we did girls lunch. We called her Grandma and went to the salad bar at Frisch's. Home of the big boy. She is not the normal child. She ordered the salad bar and ate a salad and fruit. We read a book last night that talked about what to do when she gets angry!! Something that we all even adults need to work on.

I need to go I could blog for a while but I'll come back for another day.